dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
