Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
not ubering you a puppy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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