So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
