I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
