I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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