yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
