he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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