I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
