So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
