i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
how does that bad decision feel?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
