"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
