Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
