I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
