Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She announced her abortion via fbk
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
