Nicole vs. Life
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
