I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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