I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
