apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
