if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
