Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
