I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
