Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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