He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
