Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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