All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
