It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
40s are totally the cure
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
