I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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