I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
