then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
