i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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