Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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