My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
