I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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