Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I look better un-naked...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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