My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
