tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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