We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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