He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I intend to get homeless drunk
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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