mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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