Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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