Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
