How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
