you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
