You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
