i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
