I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Green mimosas i think yes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
