I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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