I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
