I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He? As in you personified your dick?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
