i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
