You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
